A Room with a View

One day last week, David commented that his room had such a great view. At the time, I thought, "Wow, I'm glad he has such a great attitude!" Over the next few days, however, he became less focused on what he could see out the window and more exasperated with what he was dealing with inside the walls of his room.

While I knew how desperately he wanted to leave, I was extremely anxious about my energy and ability to care for him at home. At the same time, I realized how selfish it was of me when he was the one laying in the hospital bed! Although I knew how badly he wanted to be at home, I had this growing anxiety about being his sole caregiver again. That knawing feeling of selfishness persisted with questions like - How would I ever get any rest? How would I ever have any time to myself? How would I ever have time with my friends? What about my job? On further reflection, it became abundantly clear that this journey isn't about ME! It's about giving him back the life he deserves no matter how long it takes and what is asked of me.

As I sat down to write this today, I remembered the scripture our son, Jon, who was the original inspiration for this blog, has long claimed as his life verse: 

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” ~ Joshua 1:9 

What a wimp I am! If God brought us to this place in our lives, He will certainly bring us through it! Haven't I referenced that many times in my life? Didn't we lean into that when Jeff had open-heart surgery as an infant? We leaned in a bit further throughout Jon's recovery from his aneurysm and even following my own, and we leaned to the point of almost falling with David's cancer diagnosis and treatments! Why, then, should I be fearful NOW when in the scheme of things, this is just a setback? I mean, David is in remission from cancer! Cancer!! God never said we won't grow tired and weary; He never said we wouldn't be tested; in fact, the Bible tells us that we WILL go through hard times! In James 1:2, we read, "whenever we face trials," not IF.

I wrote in my previous post that growing up we were taught to not ask, "Why me?" but instead to ask, "Why NOT me?" Life has thrown us plenty of curves, and we've "learned to swerve." (Thanks again, Rascal Flatts.) In writing this post today, I'm beginning to see that my focus of late has been too much on the bumps in the road and too little on the view up ahead. Looking out the window now, I'm asking God to give me the strength to keep my eyes on Him and to stop worrying about my own abilities but instead to trust in His abilities. When I surrender to His power, I am confident He will not only provide the energy (and patience) I need but also help me turn my focus outward so I, too, can enjoy the view. 

“The best view comes after the hardest climb.” – Author Unknown