A Friend in Need...

After eight long months of having a bed downstairs for David, we have returned our home to its pre-cancer state! Some may remember that with David's hospitalization last July when I called 911 due to his lack of responsiveness, the therapist at the hospital refused to write an order for a hospital bed, saying "in her opinion," he didn't need one! Ugh! I was NOT happy! Embarrassingly, he had been alternating sleeping primarily on our family room couch and in his recliner for probably six weeks prior to that because he didn't have the energy to climb the stairs at night to our room. Because we KNEW he needed to have a bed downstairs, I called a dear friend to ask if we could borrow a twin bed I knew she had in a guest room. Without hesitation, she said, "Yes!" so Taylor and Jeff went to her home to disassemble it, bring it to our home, and reassemble it for their dad. What a necessity and a blessing it turned out to be!

Today, we took the bed back to her, and as I was thanking her for her generosity and immediate response to our need, she said, "I'd give you everything in my house if I thought it would help!" At that, I said, "I know you would; that's the kind of friend you are." 

How many of us are lucky enough to have friends like that? I honestly hope that each of you can think of at least one person who would say the same to you. If not, I hope you ARE that friend! I certainly hope I am as well! 

And the quote? It 100% is about someone I've known since I was in 7th grade (you know who you are)! How blessed I am, however, to have SO many friends who have stepped up and stepped in to cover us through each of our journeys! God PROVIDES, y'all! He doesn't leave us or forsake us in our times of need. 

Among My Mother's Legacies

Our daughter turned 40 years old on Friday, February 10, the day David's father would have turned 100. (For those who didn't do the math quickly, she was born on her Grandfather Clark's 60th birthday!) I have to admit that when the doctor told us he would be delivering her via c-section on that date, it didn't immediately register with me that it was Rob's (GrandDaddy's) birthday, but the minute we told David's parents of the scheduled date, his mama's joy was evident and is something I will treasure always. 

Granddaddy and Grandma Clark, being the selfless people they were, came to our house to stay with Taylor while we checked into the hospital for Blair's delivery. By the way, she was going to be named "Blair" whether a boy or girl because that was my grandmother Shaw's maiden name. Taylor bore David's grandmother's maiden name, so we had decided to use Blair either way. I honestly can't remember what the boy's "other" name would have been (Christian maybe?), but for a girl, we had decided on "Virginia Blair." My mother had been diagnosed with colon cancer about three years earlier, and using her name as the first name just felt right. Even though she was struggling with her health and getting out was difficult, my brother, Bill, brought her to the hospital to await the arrival of our second child, my mother's sixth grandchild. 

Remember, we didn't know the gender of our babies prior to delivery; in fact, I was so convinced I'd be having another boy that I asked the doctor if he was "sure" the baby was a girl. His response? "Yep, we're pretty sure about these things!" 🤣 While I was in recovery, David had the pleasure of telling her that her granddaughter had arrived and shared her name. My mother only lived eight more months after that, but I'd like to think knowing she had a granddaughter with her name made those months especially sweet. To be fair, her other granddaughter - my brother Gordon's daughter, Morgan - has my mother's maiden name. To say my mother was very loved is an understatement!

We brought Blair home on Valentine's Day, 1983, and within the first few weeks, my mother asked me to take her to a doll shop on the square in Marietta. She had already given her a Madame Alexander doll, "Huggums," when she was born, but it was important to her that we go to this particular shop. I don't even remember the name of the shop now, but they sold all types of beautiful dolls, and my mother picked out a set of boy/girl twin dolls that were about the size of toddlers she wanted Blair to have. Of course she didn't get them for a few years, but I'm sure my mother was smiling the Christmas Blair received them. My mother had strong opinions about little girls having dolls; in fact, when my mother became a grandmother to a little girl (my niece), she said to me, “Every little girl needs a Madame Alexander doll.” Thus, began the tradition in our family of giving newborn baby girls a Baby Huggums. I have continued it with my own granddaughters, Jordan, Emma, Francesca, and Caroline, my "bonus daughter's" daughter. I love family traditions, and I love sharing part of my mother's legacy with each of my granddaughters. (I'm embarrassed to say I don't know what her "boy" baby gift was, but it ALWAYS included beautiful hand-made receiving blankets.) While my mother was very much a "girls get dolls, and boys have trucks" kind of woman, there was also a time before she became ill that she thought her grandsons should have a doll, too, and got each of them an anatomically correct baby boy doll, a Baby Brother Tender Love by Mattel! Yes, my nephews and my son each had a doll! She said boys needed to know how to take care of babies, too; yeah, she was ahead of her time!

Having my second child turn 40 has definitely caused me to pause and reflect on the legacy I want to leave my own children and grandchildren. It makes me think of the Nidole Nordeman song, "Legacy." I've written about it before but it really resonates with me, especially this part:

We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world.

I want to leave a legacy,
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to you enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy.

Making sure a child receives a particular doll or blanket isn't exactly leaving a legacy, but I pray that the love and the message it carries about family and traditions imparts a truth that may take years for them to understand. Family matters. Traditions matter. Faith matters. Above all, raising a child in the "way they should go" matters above all else. I'm not sure I hit the mark perfectly, but I continue to pray. Won't you join me in prayers for the next generations?

There's Light at the end of the Tunnel!

 

It's been about a year since our cancer journey began with David. I say, "Our," because it has definitely been one that has affected each of us in the immediate family and many beyond our little huddle. 

With the conclusion of the chemo treatments in June, our prayer was that the next news we received would be that he was cancer-free; that wasn't the case, however. Although we learned in August that his scans showed the cancer was in remission, we also learned why David's health had continued to decline. For those who read my posts, you probably know that due to his compromised immune system (likely due to his inability to eat), he had an abscess in his colon that ruptured and caused a fistula to his bladder which ultimately led to sepsis. Ugh! The procedure to repair didn't go exactly as planned, so here we are - David has been living with a colostomy, aggravated by a softball size hernia that developed in the fall for the past several months. He's been a trooper through it all, but the whole situation has taken a toll on each of us, most significantly David. To those who have lived for years with any type stoma, I applaud you. I don't mean that in a small way, either; I know that the reason you have one is likely to save your life. 

Well, we have good news to share! David had another PET scan right after the first of the year, and he is STILL cancer free, which means he has now been over six months free of that horrid disease! I could tell he was anxious prior to our meeting with his oncologist last week, but hearing the news that there were no signs of cancerous growth lifted his spirits immeasurably! He will continue to be seen by the oncologist every three months for the remainder of this year, but unless he has symptoms again, there will be no more scans. Prayer works, y'all! Thank you, thank you, thank you to each of you who have spared even one second of your time to offer up a prayer on his behalf; we will continue to thank you and to praise our merciful God for David's improved health!

So what next? Honestly, we're not 100% sure, but we do know that on Tuesday, he will check into Northside for hernia repair and colostomy reversal surgery. His expected stay is from three to five days with approximately six weeks to full recovery. We are both looking forward to a return to normalcy even if that means redefining "normal." We have plans to make a trip to Cooperstown in June for a baseball tournament with our grandson and to Isle of Palms in July for our family vacation which makes us incredibly hopeful that we will make those plans a reality. We're even talking about slipping in a little beach trip before June if at all possible. Oh my, what a difference a year makes! 

How can you help? Keep up the prayers, hang on for the ride, and look forward with us as we approach the end of what has been a very dark tunnel. I think a see a bright light as we're rounding the bend!

“You, LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.”
- Psalm 18:28

  

New Beginnings

"...every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end" - Semisonic

At the beginning of 2022, as with the beginning of most new years, we had no idea what the year would bring, but wow, were we thrown for a loop! With David's cancer diagnosis early in 2022, we did a lot of "processing." With his treatment and devastating side effects, we processed even more.

As the summer of 2022 came to a close, we faced the reality that although his cancer was in remission (praise God!), he was faced with a future filled with uncertainties, primarily because of the complications cancer caused in his body. Although we were very private at the time, many of you know that as a result of his weakened immune system and the resulting surgery due to the abscess in his colon, he has lived with a colostomy for the past several months...not exactly the outcome we had hoped for when he had his "corrective" surgery. Yes, life throws you curves, but you DO learn to swerve! We've learned to zig-zag quite a bit these past few months! 

Last week, though, David had a colonoscopy (full disclosure) with his surgeon, and he was determined to be ready for his corrective (reconnecting) surgery! We had hoped for February, but the news that it could occur in January was like music to our ears (or more likely, divine intervention!)  Although he was a bit groggy on the way home after the procedure, he called the doctor's office to get on the surgery schedule and that same day, we learned that his surgery has been scheduled for January 24! What a beautiful way to start 2023! 

To those who have cried with us, prayed with us, brought or sent meals to us, or simply thought of us through this journey, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Life doesn't always turn out the way we expect it to, but with faith in the One who makes All things happen, we can each be confident that no matter the outcome, we are NOT alone. God is constant, He is present, and He will not forsake us!

A Dose of Mountain Air - Best Rx Ever!

A couple of weekends ago, David and I had the chance to get out of town for a few days, and oh my gosh, it was just what the doctor ordered! My brother, Hal, and his wife, Mary Jane, invited us to stay with them in a home on Lake Burton owned by one of Hal's close friends. As some of you know, we had been kicking around ideas for a getaway for several weeks and had asked Hal and Mary Jane to accompany us, but we just couldn't come up with the right fit for traveling distance, time, and lodging. In an "aha" moment, while they were visiting their friend, they asked if his home was an option, and graciously, he agreed. What an amazing friend!

I deliberately didn't call the house a cabin as it is so much more than that! It is beautifully located right on the lake with an amazing boathouse with an upper deck and a wrap-around dock AND a separate connecting dock! The home itself was absolutely gorgeous - six bedrooms, five and a half baths, two television sitting areas, a fantastic kitchen, screened porch with fireplace, and 100% beautiful! It was more than we could have ever imagined!

We rode with Hal and Mary Jane on the drive up on Thursday, and that in itself was a wonderful way to start our adventure. We got to spend the ride "catching up" and listening to our "tour guide" (AKA, my brother.) Because he's made the trip so often, he's very familiar with the area and its uniqueness. We made a couple of stops - one to pick up some fresh tomatoes at a roadside stand and one at the most incredible grocery store I've ever seen, an Ingles in Cleveland, Georgia! After our shopping adventure, we stopped at Mark of the Potter in Clarksville before heading to the cabin. We had actually been to Mark of the Potter once before, but I honestly don't think I appreciated it for the natural beauty surrounding it.

From there, we went to the house which, as stated, was absolutely incredible! We couldn't have asked for a more perfect setting for our first getaway since David's diagnosis. 

Although it rained on Friday, it didn't dampen our spirits. We rode past the property my parents once owned on Lake Burton, the property our cousins owned, and the house my grandparents built in the late 70's outside Clayton. My grandfather was born in 1899, so he was nearly 80 when he decided to build a home in the North Georgia Mountains! Here's a picture of the house I took, which other than the wrap-around porch and added deck is still very much the exterior of the house "Grandpa" built. As the Maren Morris song goes, "The house don't fall when the bones are good." By the way, my grandmother named the creek, and my brother has a creek by his house he named the same! I love that so much!

It turns out the local meat market is owned by the guy who purchased my grandparents' home, and my brother had the opportunity to meet him! He told my brother that the whole time my grandparents lived there, his wife "wanted" the house, so when it became available, he really wanted her to have it. He said they took their three children with them to see the house, and apparently, my grandmother loved those young ones! She told my grandpa to "make sure those folks get this house!" And, even though it meant financing the house themselves for the young couple, my grandpa made sure HIS wife was happy and sold them the house! (And they paid them every cent they owed for it!)  

We have so many memories of times spent at my grandparents' home outside Clayton, and it was truly a unique experience to get to visit those old "stomping grounds." Mary Jane even reminded me of the two of us "sneaking a smoke" in the basement when we were teens! Moi? Oops! I'm pretty sure I was the PERFECT child! :) Okay, well maybe my parents wouldn't agree, but I'm SURE my brothers would! LOL! Our oldest was the only one of our children who got to visit the house, although I'm sure he doesn't remember it; he was only about two years old at the time.

We drove into Clayton on Saturday morning for another trip down Memory Lane, and while it wasn't exactly as I remembered it, there were still quite a few areas that were very familiar! It's definitely more of a tourist town now, but hey, people have to make a living! After popping in to THE Reeves Hardware in Clayton where I may or may not have made a purchase, we went back to the house to rest up for the Dawgs game against Mississippi State and a little fishing time for DC. Hal grilled steaks he got at the meat market, and we toasted to a trip well enjoyed. 

Being able to pick up and go is something I think many of us take for granted; however, when a curveball like cancer and the unexpected setbacks it often brings hits you, you begin to look at everything differently. The opportunities to travel become limited, a "day" trip becomes a luxury, and an "overnight" trip seems unimaginable. We are so grateful to have moved beyond the limitations we felt just a few short months ago. God has been faithful, He has been present, and He has made a way when there seemed no way.

Hebrews 10:23 "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."

September 2022

November 2022

Check this out -Taken TWO months apart!










Does DC look amazing, or what? God IS good, ya'll! Believe it; He IS faithful!

Goodbyes, Hellos, and Giving the Glory

 A couple of weeks ago, a friend expressed a need for a wheelchair stating that the individual in need couldn't afford a chair. After more than 17 years of storing Jon's custom-built chair in our garage, this was our perfect opportunity to help someone!

When you go through a situation like we did with Jon and have incredible insurance, you realize quickly that not everyone has the same opportunity! There was a time, for example, when our insurance approved a standing frame for Jon, a very expensive and often not covered piece of equipment, but as soon as he no longer needed it, we passed it on to another Shepherd outpatient.

Thus, the picture you see is of a much-needed friend at a time, but happy-to-let-go assistive device when we learned of someone else's need. 

Isn't that how God takes care of us? He knows our needs before we do, and He prepares the way for us. Would we have ever imagined Jon would need a wheelchair? Nope, but our all-knowing God knew and He made the way for another family in need. How Great is our God?

Scoring Touchdowns, Catching Fish, and Making Memories

When we started David's journey late last winter/early spring we assumed, based on the doctor's prognosis, we'd be joining our kids on vacation and enjoying another beautiful Georgia summer with family and friends. Assumptions are bad; in fact, when I was teaching school, I had a sign over my desk that read, "Assume Nothing." I should have taken those words to heart.

So as most of you know, we didn't get to go on that family vacation; we didn't spend much time with friends, and well...the summer wasn't exactly a beautiful one for us. Oh, the weather was typical for our area, but David's health issues made it far from beautiful. 

Yesterday, we went to our 6th-grade grandson's football game against Wheeler (my HS alma mater) and they crushed the Wildcats with #81 (his Dad, his Uncle Jon's, and his Uncle Hal's HS number) scoring TWO touchdowns, one on a pass and run and another on a pass into the endzone! Proud is an understatement. Actually, his team is undefeated giving up only 6 points the entire season! Bring on the playoffs! We also were able to attend our 3rd-grade grandson's game in which he, not to be outdone, also scored twice - once for a touchdown and once for the PAT. This GrandMary loves watching them play as much, if not more, as I enjoyed watching their dad play. Such precious memories!

All in all, life is good; actually, life is pretty great right now. David no longer requires my physical presence and assistance as much as he did even a few weeks ago which makes life feel so much more normal. We are able to make plans for more than a day or so out which is a HUGE blessing! We can actually MAKE PLANS! 

Keep this in mind, folks - While we may make assumptions about where we'll be in a few months or years, God doesn't. Why? Because He KNOWS! Nothing takes Him by surprise. David's abscess? Not a surprise. Could He have healed David without surgery? Without a doubt! But...do all things happen for a reason? 100% The Clarks have been through a lot in our years together, but through it all, we've learned that ONLY by putting our trust in God will we be able to overcome any difficulties we encounter. God will not and does not forsake His people!

Psalm 9:10 - And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.

Gone Fishin'

Since I last posted about David's renewed interest in fly-fishing, he's been on a mission to try out his fly rods - one he's used, and one he's never used, although he bought it sometime in the 1990's. (Yeah, that's how we roll; "I need this now, but I'll hold on to it for 30+ years before testing it.")😂

Last Friday, we rode to Morgan Falls which has some beautiful fishing spots below the dam; he didn't take his rods, but it would have been an ideal time to "test the waters" - pun definitely intended! On Sunday, he went to our side lot to practice his casting. He didn't catch anything other than a few leaves, but it was so good to see him enjoying the moment. 

On Thursday of this week, we went to his sister's home on Wynn's Pond in Coweta County, and he had such a good time trying out his rods; he even caught a few bream! The smile on his face pretty much says it all...He was exhausted after standing for so long, but it was, as he said, "a good tired."

In Psalm 46:10, God reminds us we need only be still. I believe it is in the stillness, we experience His faithfulness to His promises. Perhaps David's desire to go to still waters was a God whisper? Perhaps not, but I saw a peace and joy come over David that I haven't seen in a while. God is good, y'all! He's the Great Physician AND the big smile maker!

On Being Normal

A Normal Fall Saturday with the T Clarks

Webster defines the word “normal” using the words, "regular pattern" or "usual, typical, or routine.” How often do we NOT want to be called normal, as if there is somewhat of a negative connotation to it as in "Her? Oh, she's just a normal girl!" Deep down, I think we all want to live better than regular or typical lives, but when your life has been turned upside down, and your regular pattern or routine is interrupted, feeling normal is incredible!

Through David’s cancer diagnosis, chemo treatments, and subsequent hospitalizations, we’ve felt anything BUT normal! There is nothing normal about being told you're in a fight you didn't initiate! While we are insanely happy that his cancer is in remission, we didn’t expect to be dealing with the complicated surgery and recovery he’s now experiencing which will ultimately cause him to have more surgery early next year. Some have asked if his complications are from the cancer, and to be completely honest, the answer is no. His immune system, however, was so weakened from the chemo treatments, he was unable to fight the infection which invaded his system. Because of the chemotherapy, his appetite was practically non-existent, and he lost an incredible amount of weight (over 70 pounds since February) in a very short period of time. Getting him to drink half of a Boost (similar to Ensure) was cause for celebration! It was BAD, folks, I mean really bad!

In the past couple of weeks, however, he has turned a major corner! His appetite is returning, his strength is improving, and his desire to get out is pretty much like the old DC. In other words, things are starting to feel normal again! For example, over the past few months, our outings were primarily to doctors or health facilities, and after his first hospitalization in mid-July, he completely stopped driving. I don't mind "Driving Mr. Dave," but I know he misses being behind the wheel and feeling dependent on me. Since Friday, he's been like a different person! Friday morning, he asked if I would take him to Cabela's to shop for fly-fishing stuff - he hasn't fly-fished in YEARS. We then went to lunch and did a little Aldi shopping. Was he tired? Oh yes, but such a good tired! Yesterday, we went to our oldest grandson's football game at 9 in the morning and then caught our other grandson's game at 2:30. Was that tiring? You bet it was, but oh so worth it! You'd think after all that activity in two days, he'd want to chill at home today, but you'd be wrong!  

Today, we went to see "Lifemark," the new Kendrick Brothers movie AND had an early dinner at Longhorn. Talk about turning a corner! He took that corner on two wheels! Of course, at the moment, he's softly snoring in his recliner, but hey, he earned that nap! If being normal means a nap to rejuvenate after a busy day, I'll accept "normal" any time!

A Room with a View

One day last week, David commented that his room had such a great view. At the time, I thought, "Wow, I'm glad he has such a great attitude!" Over the next few days, however, he became less focused on what he could see out the window and more exasperated with what he was dealing with inside the walls of his room.

While I knew how desperately he wanted to leave, I was extremely anxious about my energy and ability to care for him at home. At the same time, I realized how selfish it was of me when he was the one laying in the hospital bed! Although I knew how badly he wanted to be at home, I had this growing anxiety about being his sole caregiver again. That knawing feeling of selfishness persisted with questions like - How would I ever get any rest? How would I ever have any time to myself? How would I ever have time with my friends? What about my job? On further reflection, it became abundantly clear that this journey isn't about ME! It's about giving him back the life he deserves no matter how long it takes and what is asked of me.

As I sat down to write this today, I remembered the scripture our son, Jon, who was the original inspiration for this blog, has long claimed as his life verse: 

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” ~ Joshua 1:9 

What a wimp I am! If God brought us to this place in our lives, He will certainly bring us through it! Haven't I referenced that many times in my life? Didn't we lean into that when Jeff had open-heart surgery as an infant? We leaned in a bit further throughout Jon's recovery from his aneurysm and even following my own, and we leaned to the point of almost falling with David's cancer diagnosis and treatments! Why, then, should I be fearful NOW when in the scheme of things, this is just a setback? I mean, David is in remission from cancer! Cancer!! God never said we won't grow tired and weary; He never said we wouldn't be tested; in fact, the Bible tells us that we WILL go through hard times! In James 1:2, we read, "whenever we face trials," not IF.

I wrote in my previous post that growing up we were taught to not ask, "Why me?" but instead to ask, "Why NOT me?" Life has thrown us plenty of curves, and we've "learned to swerve." (Thanks again, Rascal Flatts.) In writing this post today, I'm beginning to see that my focus of late has been too much on the bumps in the road and too little on the view up ahead. Looking out the window now, I'm asking God to give me the strength to keep my eyes on Him and to stop worrying about my own abilities but instead to trust in His abilities. When I surrender to His power, I am confident He will not only provide the energy (and patience) I need but also help me turn my focus outward so I, too, can enjoy the view. 

“The best view comes after the hardest climb.” – Author Unknown

Making the Grade

At church on Sunday, a friend said something like, "Your faith has certainly been tested over the years,", and I replied, "Well, obviously, I haven't passed the test yet!" Since then, I've spent a good bit of time reflecting on why God keeps bringing new hurdles into our lives and asking myself why. I learned from my dad at an early age, however, that when faced with challenges, we shouldn't ask, "Why me?" Instead, we should understand, "Why NOT me?" "What makes me so special that I shouldn't have to face trials in my life?"

My dad was a wise man. He wasn't perfect by any means, but he had a wisdom born of difficult times (his mother made shirts for him out of flour sacks during the depression), addictive behaviors (he was an alcoholic so high-functioning that it was YEARS before I knew about his addiction), and above all, he LOVED me! Not that loving me made him wise; it's just that knowing he loved me made me appreciate all the sacrifices he'd made for me and my brothers over the years made me understand a father's love. You see, he was born into a generation that had so little, and yet, he wanted SO MUCH MORE for his family! He sacrificed on a daily basis so we could have the life he never had! Would he have ever said he was deprived? Absolutely, not! His life was made better because of the love and sacrifices his own parents poured into him! When I think about any time in my own life when I may have been slightly inclined to feel deprived, I remember the sacrifices my earthly father and most importantly, my heavenly father have made for me! Deprived? Oh no, far from it! I have been BLESSED! 

Has my life been perfect? It certainly has not. I've learned, though, that the choices we make either make us stronger or they weaken us to the point of absolute chaos. I CHOOSE strength! Our heavenly Father and my earthly dad gave so much of their own lives to make mine better - how could I ever feel deprived? I know that because of their sacrifices, my life is so much more than it could have ever been without their presence. As the song goes, "You're a good, good father." I am so grateful to have been loved by both.

Tomorrow we face another test. David is having surgery to repair his colon and bladder. This is not a result of the chemo but more so, a result of his weakened immune system due to the chemo. We are putting our trust in the one who heals, our Jehovah Rapha, praying for His divine intervention in David's healing and selfishly hoping that with this trial, we'll finally make the grade in the eyes of the Lord. We are trusting in His promises today, tomorrow, and each day of our lives.

Sending a special shout-out to Julie Curl for her inspiration for this post. XOXO

Caregiver Insights - Part 1 (Likely)

If I'm being candid, I'll admit that being a caregiver is hard, Let me restate that, it's HARD!! To those who have traveled this road before me, you get it; you totally get it. In some ways, I've gone down this road before, but with a spouse?  Never.

Caring for a child is a situation I am pretty familiar with - from Jeff's heart defect at birth to Jon's ruptured aneurysm at the age of 20 (and all the broken bones, sprains, and "normal" childhood injuries that Taylor and Blair incurred.) Being the caregiver of a spouse is something I've had a little experience with - yes, he's had surgeries, but nothing like dealing with cancer and subsequent issues. Was I prepared? H*** No! Can I handle it? H*** yes! Is it fun? Ha! You figure out the answer!

To address the issues at hand: David has a pre-op appointment this Thursday, the 18th, with the surgeon. His corrective surgery is scheduled for Wednesday, August 24. For now, we're taking one step at a time, and I'm asking God for His divine intervention in my patience and coping skills. Selfishly, I'm asking you to not only continue to pray diligently for David's complete recovery but also, for my patience and understanding that sometimes, "A person just has to vent!"

Are We Taking a Left Turn or Just Driving in Circles?

So the PET scan yesterday revealed a bit of a surprise - okay, a LOT of a surprise, but definitely shed some light on some other issues David has been experiencing.

After we had been home from the scan for just a few hours, he got a call from his urologist (yes, urologist, not his oncologist) that he needed to go to the ER to be admitted for treatment and probable surgery for an abscess in his colon (sorry if you're not a detail person, but it is what it is.) Although the doctor notified the ER we were coming, we still had a 3.5-hour wait for him to be seen! Of course, I made several inquiries at the desk, called two doctor's offices, and even texted with our nurse practitioner, but as my mama used to say, "It was a hurry up and wait situation!" Hurry to get there and wait to be seen! After reviewing his history and most recent scan, he was finally in a room around 11 last night, and that was after starting our day with a 7:30 arrival for his PET scan! Yep, it was a pretty long day...

Today, we've seen the PA from his urologist's office but not yet a surgeon for the actual abscess. We know that he will need a stent in his left kidney along with the repair of the abscess.  We are anxiously waiting to see the oncologist as well as the colon surgeon. We need a plan! I will say that although this was a totally unforeseen bump in the road, we are happy to finally be getting some answers. For the UTI to not have been fully resolved after his last hospitalization with all the antibiotics they pumped in him has been concerning, to say the least. When I asked why this wasn't detected on his last visit, I was told that because he only had one type bacteria in his system, there was no cause to perform a scan at that time. Umm, okay. (I did ask that the PET scan be performed during his previous hospitalization, but hey, what do I know?) I was told he needed to "feel better" before doing the scan, so yeah, look where that got us! If I sound a little frustrated, irritated, peeved, or perhaps some more unladylike terms, I am! I have my share of experience advocating for family members, and I like to think I do it in a manner appropriate to my southern upbringing, but sometimes I've learned you have to remind physicians that while they may have many patients, YOU have only one of the individual for whom you're advocating, and NO ONE wants what's best for your loved one more than you!

There will be more to share at some point, but for now, you can most likely find me circling I-285 trying to figure out where to exit this crazy road! Please, "Jesus, take the wheel!"

Taking a Left Turn

I'm not a very good blogger; I think I'm a decent writer, but blogger? No. I say this because I'm just NOT CONSISTENT! Among the traits of really good bloggers is consistency, and considering the last time I wrote anything in this blog (prior to today) was during the pandemic in 2020, I'd say my track record isn't exactly breaking records. 

At the time I began blogging in 2005 (or sharing, writing, tracking, whatever you want to call it,) Facebook wasn't an option. In fact, it didn't become an option outside the world of college students until 2006. Therefore, if you wanted to keep a group of people up-to-date on what was happening in a particular situation or life event, writing a blog was an excellent way to share without making multiple phone calls or writing dozens of emails. Thanks to a sweet friend, my very first blog entitled "Prayers for Jon" began in 2005. Within a couple of years, that blog evolved into this one because it soon became evident that when one person in a family is affected by a traumatic illness or issue, the journey becomes much farther reaching. It impacts not only the immediate family but also those who have embraced the family members whether recently or over a long period of time. Through each of our life journeys, we have been blessed to be surrounded by prayer warriors--many of whom have been total strangers--as well as physical sustenance. You know in the South when people don't know what to do, they feed you! :)

When we change directions or the course of a conversation, we often say we're, "Taking a left turn." So now, we're simply taking a left turn. We've traveled difficult roads before as a family, and we're on yet another one, a familiar and yet not-so-familiar one. Once again, we don't know the destination, but once again, we're trusting in God's presence during our travels. This time, I'm older, wiser (I hope,) and even stronger in my faith knowing that only through trusting in God to be our travel agent will we arrive safely. 

Walking in Uncomfortable Shoes

Pandemic, Coronivirus, COVID-19, shelter-in-place, social distancing…the “I’m tired of hearing this” list goes on. Somewhere between the middle of March and today, however, these have become all-too-familiar terms, and will likely be part of our vocabulary for quite some time to come, I fear.  Actually, fear is probably not the correct term, but whatever you call it, I’m pretty sure they’re each here to stay for a while.

As part of the 65 and over age group, I feel more isolated than ever from my loved ones. My arms ache to hold each of them - children, grandchildren, friends, family, even a few of my co-workers! Haha! There is a longing within me that won’t be eased until the day when I can wrap my arms around each of them. You can bet I'm praying that day comes soon!

Over the past few weeks, I’ve read so many exchanges on social media between various groups in our community about what we should or shouldn’t be doing, and I am terribly disturbed. While I whole-heartedly agree that we cannot continue to stay on lockdown, I believe that each of us has a moral responsibility to do what we can to protect others, and if that means maintaining six-foot distancing, wearing face masks and gloves in public, and limiting travel, then that’s what we – David and I – will continue to do. Those who refuse to observe those basic guidelines are putting the rest of us at risk, and the selfish message that their disregard is sending is mind-boggling! I don’t even pretend to know all that is happening, but my parents raised me to respect others and to always put myself in another’s shoes, even if those shoes are uncomfortable. What a blessing to have been taught that perspective!

Because of my upbringing, I cannot in good conscience ignore those who have been impacted by this pandemic either financially, emotionally, physically, or sadly, through the loss of a loved one. Yes, we've all been impacted in some way, and pretending that we haven't is just absurd, and quite frankly, a bit disgusting. Looking the other way just isn’t in my DNA, and I will do whatever I can for as long as I can to protect my loved ones as well as yours. Won't you try on another's shoes - at least for a while?

PS - My guess is that if you read this, you're already doing your part. I just needed to vent after reading some really troubling social exchanges!

Are We There Yet?

When our children were young, we heard things like, “How much farther?” and “Are we there yet?” every time we got in the car to go somewhere that took longer than about thirty minutes, and we heard them on repeat! Can anyone else relate?

If you answered, “No”, then I’m willing to bet that you are experiencing some of those thoughts now, and if you answered, “Yes”, then I’m equally willing to bet those thoughts have recently re-entered your mind. We are all living in a time of uncertainty. We don’t know how far this new style of daily living will take us, how long it will take, and when we will “get there”, wherever “there” is.

For our family, this isn’t really new territory; I mean, yes, the COVID-19 situation is new to all of us, but the wondering how long or how far a journey will take us isn’t new at all. There have been times when we had no idea what the outcome of a situation would be, but we ALWAYS knew who was in control of that situation! Almost exactly 15 years ago (March 12, 2005), we entered one of the most difficult and faith-testing times we had ever known when one of our twin sons experienced a ruptured brain aneurysm, causing damage that even the most skilled surgeons in Atlanta doubted he would recover from. Although the prognosis was bleak, we knew that God was with us, and that He alone knew the outcome. The circumstances were totally beyond our control. I admit that after the initial shock and fear were over, we went through a period of serious questioning – particularly how could this happen, and why did it happen? Haven’t we all asked that of the current COVID-19 pandemic? At least in some form or another? 

In that period of unrest in 2005, we turned as a family to Lamentations for answers. If anyone understood what lamenting was, we did. Our family wasn’t suffering because of disobedience to the Lord (at least I pray not) as the people of Jerusalem were, but we were definitely suffering. In seeking comfort and hope in the situation, we found it in Lamentations 3: 55-57: 

I called on your name, LORD, from the depths of the pit. You heard my plea: “Do not close your ears to my cry for relief.” You came near when I called you, and you said, “Do not fear.” 

Because of the assurance from God that even when we are in the depths of despair, He is always near. We didn’t understand what was happening, but we had faith that God knew everything and that He heard our cries. Isn’t it amazing, too, that even though he is not named as the scribe for the book of Lamentations, many scholars believe it to be Jeremiah? And isn’t it wonderful that Jeremiah provided another verse for us to cling to during that dark time and in these? 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

We wholly believed that God heard our cries, and we had the confidence in Him to trust Him with our son’s future, no matter what that meant. Shouldn’t we all be clinging to that kind of faith right now? I’ve seen dark times, and I’ve seen beautiful sunlit days, and through them all, I pray that I ALWAYS find the Lord in them.

So on this journey through COVID-19, let’s all lean in and trust that even when we don’t have a roadmap or GPS, God is in the driver’s seat. When we are tempted to ask the same questions my children asked when they were young, “How much farther?” and “Are we there yet?” let’s do our best to sit back, look out the windows, and enjoy the ride! 

Trust God; He’s an exceptional navigator, and He knows exactly where we’re going and when we’ll get there!

Our son, Jon, and his amazing wife, Zuly
God keeps His promises!

Your Regularly Scheduled Programming Has Been Interrupted to Protect You from COVID-19

3/14/20

So today we officially began our #flattenthecurve staycation. We made a short run (my third) to the church to shop the MB consignment sale, followed by a trip to the grocery store. Not surprising, there weren’t a lot of shoppers at the consignment sale, but somewhat surprising, the store was pretty well stocked. We were able to pick up everything we needed and, of course, a few things we didn’t—pretty normal for us.

Now, the reality - There were no grandsons’ ballgames to watch today and worst of all, no sweaty hugs afterward. Every piece of the laundry has been done, two episodes of “The Story of God” (very interesting) have been watched on Netflix, and now we’re prepping dinner. I’m back in my pjs, writing this post, and still feeling a little sorry for myself over the separation from the grands, BUT today I saw more pictures from the devastation in Nashville, and I wanted to slap myself! Last night I had a major pity party because I am unable to see my grandchildren (and severely limited with seeing my children) during this time, but after seeing those pictures, I now realize how selfish I was being. Do I still feel sad at not seeing my loved ones? I do, but at least I have a roof over my head – unlike some of the families who lost everything in the tornadoes of a few short weeks ago, many losing not only their homes but loved ones as well. Go ahead and slap me for my self-pity…oh never mind, I’ll do it myself!

Better yet - read the "Prayer for a Pandemic" above by Cameron Bellm, a Seattle wife and mom; it helps keep it all in perspective!

3/15/20
Church online is a way to worship that we’ve utilized on occasion, but wow, so different when it’s the only way to “go to church”! This morning, David and I sat in our comfy clothes (yes, I was still in my pjs), sipping coffee, and watching/hearing our senior pastor deliver a truly inspiring message of hope, entitled “Choose Faith over Fear”, in these trying times. Find the message here. One of the most resonating things he said was, “Don’t allow the enemy of your soul to rob you of your faith!” Now, that’s advice we can all take to heart. Let’s not let our fears take away gratitude for our blessings, and when we step back and look at the big picture, we ALL have something to be grateful for, even when we don’t fully understand our circumstances.

COVID 19 – A GrandMary’s Perspective and Warning

I am heartbroken and unbelievably proud at the same time! When did our children become so wise? I mean, I know they are all adults building families of their own but today, more than any other day, I feel old. In my heart, I truly don’t believe that I am, but in my head (and according to my driver’s license and birth certificate) I know that I am now in the “senior” or “older adult” category. Seriously? Like when did that happen?

It happened gradually, and yet it happened overnight. One day you’re tucking your four young children into bed, and before you can hardly blink, you’re tucking your five grandchildren in – yep, five! We are so incredibly blessed to be able to be a part of their lives. We get to attend their baseball games, football games, soccer games, gymnastics classes, and art classes, although thankfully not all at the same time! We have sleepovers, we watch the stars together, we go to the beach together, and sometimes we even get to do it all at the same time! Yes, we are blessed beyond measure!

With the recent shut-downs of our lives as we know them, however—no baseball and soccer, no gymnastics, no school, no physical church, no toilet paper (I digress)—and increasing concern for us “older adults”, our lives have taken a turn we never anticipated. In a single day, we became “at risk”. Our children, out of genuine love and concern for us, cancelled the two sleepovers we had planned for this weekend, one tonight with our Clark boys, and one tomorrow night with our Clark girls. (The Popes in Tennessee have already had their plates full with a tornado last week, warnings of another last night, overall devastation in their community and surrounding area, and now THIS? Again, I digress.)

Knowing that our children love us enough to put our health and well-being above their own plans for the weekend fills me with undeniable pride. It also fills me with the realization that they, too, understand our mortality. Ugh! I TOTALLY feel like I’m still in my 40’s…okay 50’s? The reality of life and its imposed limitations have really gotten to me today. So to my children, I say, “You are simply the best, and I love you with all of my being, no matter how old it is!”; to my grandchildren, I say, “No one loves you like your GrandMary and GrandDaddy!”. To the Coronavirus, I say, “Stay out of my way, and let me resume the life I love with my family”!

2 Timothy 1:7 ~ For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Hope and an Amazing Future

Today we are celebrating the fourteenth year since our son, Jon, began his journey back to us after collapsing from a ruptured brain aneurysm. To us, this is an occasion to be remembered and celebrated because of the grace and mercy shown to us by our sovereign God. It is also a day in which we are reminded that life is fragile and we are not promised tomorrow, but we ARE promised that no matter what comes our way, we will not be forsaken and that our God will comfort us in the darkness as well as in the light.

For those who have followed our journey, we celebrate you, too, knowing that without your love, prayers, and support, the outcome of March 12, 2005, could have been far different and instead of celebrating this day, we could easily be mourning. I know there are many who have traveled a similar path with a far different outcome; for those, I mourn with you. I KNOW we are among the fortunate ones because our son was spared when the odds were totally against him.

So today, we are grateful beyond words to the medical team who saved his life, to the rehabilitation team who taught him how to live again, and to the prayer warriors, some friends, some total strangers, who joined the vigil in praying each of us through this unimaginable journey. Today, we look continually toward a bright future for Jon when at several points, we weren't sure what to even begin to expect. He has overcome so many obstacles and achieved far more in his 34 years of life than we were initially afraid to even dream he could do. He met a woman who as he told me, "saw beyond his disabilities" and who loves him unconditionally. She has been the answer to one of our greatest prayers for him, that one day he would meet someone who would love him just as he is and share his future with him. We stand in awe of our God who chose Jon (and now his precious wife, Zuly) as one(s) to live out the promise of Jeremiah 29:11. He has remained true to that promise - to give each of us hope and a future - through Jon and through us.

We live life a bit differently these days, having learned that there are no guarantees in this life, but standing firm in the promise of the next. God's providence has far exceeded any of the prayers we've prayed for Jon; for that, we will never be able to thank Him enough. But every single day, we will try.

Don't Forget to Pack your Tambourine!

Planning a little trip? Remember to take enough clothes, shoes, undergarments, outerwear, toiletries, and of course, money to cover the days you’ll be away. Oh, and one more thing, pack your tambourine!

Say what? Yep, that noise maker defined by Wikipedia as “a musical instrument in the percussion family consisting of a frame, often of wood or plastic, with pairs of small metal jingles, called zils”. Why on God’s green earth would I tell you to pack a tambourine? THAT is exactly why! Huh? Let me elaborate.

In our staff chapel today—oh, what a privilege it is to be part of a church staff—we explored Exodus 14 when Pharoah FINALLY let the Israelites go, only to have serious second thoughts and soon send his army in pursuit of the Israelites to bring them back to Egypt (I mean, what was Pharoah thinking? No laborers?). We reviewed that after escaping Pharoah’s army through the Red Sea, Moses sang praises to the Lord (Exodus 15) as we often do after a trying time. But what did Moses’ sister, Miriam, do? When Moses began singing praises, she followed behind with the other women singing and shaking her tambourine! She brought a tambourine? Seriously? In the rush to get out of Egypt, she actually brought a tambourine? Far be it from me to question her packing list, but I’m thinking that a tambourine probably wouldn’t have made the top five on my list of “must takes”.

What does packing a tambourine even mean? I think it means to KNOW that God is ALWAYS worthy of our praise and that we are to be “on the ready” to share our joys and our rejoicing. A tambourine doesn’t have to be a physical object; it can simply be a desire to share our love for the Lord and all the ways we’ve seen His glory in our lives.

So how often lately have I actually taken out my tambourine in praise of the One who gave it all? When my first two children, Taylor and Blair, were born healthy, I thanked God and praised Him for my beautiful blessings. When my son, Jeff, was born with two holes in his heart and the surgeons repaired both, I praised God and shook my tambourine. When his twin brother, Jon, suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm years later and became a walking miracle, I shook my tambourine until I thought my fingers would break. In fact, each time he reached a new milestone and we witnessed another miracle, my entire family and our friends joined in with their tambourines. When the doctors discovered an aneurysm in my brain and repaired it before it could rupture, I wept, and through my tears, I shook my tambourine. Lately, though, I think my tambourine has been a little silent, and it has nothing to do with Him, but everything to do with me.

I know that I have been blessed far more than I deserve, and I’ve seen more miracles than most people, so I need to daily shake that tambourine and let His love shine through me so that the world will know that I am His and He is mine, and NOTHING can ever change that. Miriam trusted that He would deliver and packed her tambourine; I think it's time for me to blow the dust off mine.

Exodus 15: 2

The Lord is my strength and my defense;

 He has become my salvation.

He is my God, and I will praise him,

    my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

(Inspiration for this post from Gaylyn Kelly, our Director of College and Young Adults)